I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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