sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
how does that bad decision feel?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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