last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
