Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
