I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
