toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i was born a porn star she said
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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