Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
