discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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