When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
