I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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