Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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