I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
