My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
