Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
