so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
