i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
