How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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