I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
