gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Did I show you my penis last night?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
