she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
