Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
