I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
