Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
