K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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