Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's never too late to be topless.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
