he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
