Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
