I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
