my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
FUCK WHALES
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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