he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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