I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Randomize
