Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
