she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
