wakey wakey hands off snakey
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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