Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
