Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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