The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
