It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
