I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
