Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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