in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
