tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
