You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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