i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
