if i can run in heels then i can drive
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
