I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
