what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
