What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
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