turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
