i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
