if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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