good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
