Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
