When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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