So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
well you can't waste a boner
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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