He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
