Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
