Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
