Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
