I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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