you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
