after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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