Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Michael Bay diarrhea
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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