I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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