Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
