I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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