Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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