I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
