Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
