Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
