I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
