when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
