I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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