Sponge bath it is.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
