you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
