I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
