We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
