At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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