Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
