Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize