I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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