It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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