dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
